Ok, I've avoided the subject long enough. I'm going to be 61 in another few weeks so thought I would dwell a little on the pros and cons of getting old....er.
Here are what I believe to be the top 10 reasons why it sucks to get old and the top 10 reasons why it is AWESOME!!
Always wanting to leave here on a positive note, I will start with the reasons why it sucks.
10. Every freakin part of me hurts. Yeah, yeah, I know, need to exercise more and lose weight. Not so easy when the arthritis has kicked in and you feel blessed if you can get out of bed in the morning and not limp to the John. (hasn't happened for at least a year now) Unlike when I was younger, I can eat less, a LOT less actually and still not lose a pound. Eventually, you just say, 'To hell with it. I'm old now. I can do what I want!'
9. Memory is not what it used to be. In the past, on very rare occasions, I would walk into a room and forget what I went in there for. Now, it's pretty common. After researching how the brain works and finding out it slowly deteriorates over time, you get to the point where you say, 'To hell with it. I'm old now. What's so damned important anyway??'
8. The medical procedures. Good grief, there are colonoscopies, egd's, cat scans, mri's, heart caths, stress tests, skin biopsies, mammograms, surgeries and on and on and on. If there was a cure for old age, I'm sure it's been buried with the Q (lost biblical scripture) so doctors will never have to worry about going out of business.
7. The cost of medications! I literally take 7 pills a day! Five in the morning and two at night. I'm told they're keeping me alive, but you can't convince me by how I feel when I get out of bed!
6. Reflexes aren't what they used to be. Response time when driving has been altered. I think I'm still a pretty good driver, but it scares the hell out of me when I see someone use a walker like Tim Conway's bit to get into their car and drive away. If they can't pick up their feet without a walker, how are they going to lift it to put their foot on the brake in a hurry? And then I realize that's going to be me someday. YES!! I SAID SOMEDAY!! SHUT UP!
5. Your hair gets thinner and your belly gets bigger. I used to have the thickest hair of all my friends and the smallest stomach. (I have pictures to prove it) Now, I could knit a sweater with the hair that's left in the shower.
4. Old age spots. They're just gross. And why the hell do they always have to be on your hands where EVERYONE can see them?
3. Old people always talk about their bowel movements. I'm not sure what the fascination is with feces when you get old and forturnately I'm not THAT old yet, but I've already told my daughter, if I EVER start that crap (pun intended) to put me out of everyone's misery. I was a little unnerved when she replied, "No problem."
2. More life at the end of the money. Budgeting takes on a whole new meaning when you get older.
And the number one reason it sucks to get older.
1. You become invisible. There was a time when I could turn a head or two. Not beautiful, but not offensive to look at. But when women get older, people seem to look right through you and you wonder when you became invisible. So those are the reasons it sucks.
NOW let me tell you why it's WONDERFUL to get older.
10. You can say whatever the hell you want. People expect old people to become eccentric and say stupid stuff. This comes in handy when you want to give your doctor shit about all the medications you're taking.
9. You can eat ice cream every day if you want to. (Remember number 10 from the other list?) And now they have those neat individual serving sizes to reduce the quilt levels even more! Than you, Edys!! I love you!!
8. You can go to bed early. Thank God for our DVR or we wouldn't have anything to watch while we're having our morning coffee!
7. You don't have to shop if you don't want to. When you get older, people don't expect presents.....they expect money in those cool money envelopes you get from the bank.
6. You can feign deafness. At least Bob does.....all the time.....especially when I'm the one talking!
5. Being a grandparent is loads more fun than being a parent. We always threatened our kids that when we became grandparents, we would teach their children to put their feet up on the coffee table, stuff candy wrappers in the couch, play practical jokes, and load them up with sugar right before mom and dad get home. I think we're keeping up our end of this bargain nicely.
4. Rocking your grandchild to sleep. There are no words to describe it.
3. Turning over the holiday responsibilities to the younger generation. No one expects old people to do all that work, right? My daughter still makes me cook some stuff, but we go to her house now so she's the one who has to clean!
2. People respect my opinions and experience. (At least they humor me and let me think so)
1. The prospect of retiring. After working for nearly 50 years, retiring and doing exactly what I want every day is a delicious future goal. If you've been reading along on my blog, all I can say is, if I die before I get to retire and before my house remodeling is fininshed, I'm going to be TOTALLY PISSED!!!