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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My life with Bob

Decided to start a new category, "MY LIFE WITH BOB" and share a few stories and experiences.  The first one that comes to mind is the year we were the youth leaders at our church and for a fund-raising project, the kids decided to have a 'Kiss the Pig' Contest.  They took pictures of several leaders of the church and put each one on a glass jar.  The congregation would then vote for who they wanted to have to kiss the pig.
   The one thing the kids forgot to consider was, "where are we going to find a pig to kiss?".  So of course, Bob, who can do anything (if you'll remember a prior post...."You're not Bob") told them he would find them a cute little Pot Belly Pig.
   After contacting some Pot Belly Pig associations, (who knew?)  he found a local farmer who said we could use his.  So he goes somewhere in southern Ohio and comes back with a pig in a cage in the back of his SUV.  Now comes the fun part.  The farmer said the pig had to be bathed before we could take him to church and trust me, the pig NEEDED a bath!  Dang!  Those things stink!  Problem was, I had assumed a pot belly pig was a little pig.  This pig was well over 100 pounds!
   Well, the big oink, oink goes to me!  Guess who got stuck bathing the pig?!?!?!?!  Yep, me!!!!  But first, we had to get it out of the cage and put a harness on it.  I was told I was just going out to help take the cage out of the truck.  So it's 6:30 sunday morning, and I'm out in our drive way, in my night shirt, bent over, showing the neighborhood my business,  holding the 100 pound pig's hind legs so it won't run away while Bob puts a hog harness on it.  It's squealing for all it's worth and it was so loud, I'm sure it woke the whole neighborhood.  The damned thing is kicking like crazy trying to get away and it's all I can do to hold on to its feet.  It kicked the shit out of my arm so I had to go get a tetanus shot :o(    But wait, the injustice is just beginning.  Then I have to haul a bucket of warm soapy water out while Bob holds it's leash and I scrub the ugly beast with a scrub brush,  ( a process they don't particularly like) then haul a bucket of clean water out to rinse it and then, (you're not going to believe this) the farmer said we had to rub it down with skin so soft!  Our two dogs daisy and chelsea look like they're thinking, "That's the ugliest damned dog I've ever seen!".  Then I had to hose out the cage, get it's food and water.  All the time, Bob's standing there holding the pig because, "I better hold the pig honey.  You're not strong enough to hang onto him."  All the time, Bob's laughing his ass off!     I GOT TOTALLY SCREWED!!!!!! 
   There are several stories like this where I was duped by my loving husband.  Maybe next time I'll tell you how I got screwed insulating our house.

1 comment:

  1. Hahahahahahaha! I don't think I ever heard this story before! Also, I was just going to suggest you tell the insulation story and then I saw the last line. LOL