My life with Bob

Decided to start a new category, "MY LIFE WITH BOB" and share a few stories and experiences.  The first one that comes to mind is the year we were the youth leaders at our church and for a fund-raising project, the kids decided to have a 'Kiss the Pig' Contest.  They took pictures of several leaders of the church and put each one on a glass jar.  The congregation would then vote for who they wanted to have to kiss the pig.
   The one thing the kids forgot to consider was, "where are we going to find a pig to kiss?".  So of course, Bob, who can do anything (if you'll remember a prior post...."You're not Bob") told them he would find them a cute little Pot Belly Pig.
   After contacting some Pot Belly Pig associations, (who knew?)  he found a local farmer who said we could use his.  So he goes somewhere in southern Ohio and comes back with a pig in a cage in the back of his SUV.  Now comes the fun part.  The farmer said the pig had to be bathed before we could take him to church and trust me, the pig NEEDED a bath!  Dang!  Those things stink!  Problem was, I had assumed a pot belly pig was a little pig.  This pig was well over 100 pounds!
   Well, the big oink, oink goes to me!  Guess who got stuck bathing the pig?!?!?!?!  Yep, me!!!!  But first, we had to get it out of the cage and put a harness on it.  I was told I was just going out to help take the cage out of the truck.  So it's 6:30 sunday morning, and I'm out in our drive way, in my night shirt, bent over, showing the neighborhood my business,  holding the 100 pound pig's hind legs so it won't run away while Bob puts a hog harness on it.  It's squealing for all it's worth and it was so loud, I'm sure it woke the whole neighborhood.  The damned thing is kicking like crazy trying to get away and it's all I can do to hold on to its feet.  It kicked the shit out of my arm so I had to go get a tetanus shot :o(    But wait, the injustice is just beginning.  Then I have to haul a bucket of warm soapy water out while Bob holds it's leash and I scrub the ugly beast with a scrub brush,  ( a process they don't particularly like) then haul a bucket of clean water out to rinse it and then, (you're not going to believe this) the farmer said we had to rub it down with skin so soft!  Our two dogs daisy and chelsea look like they're thinking, "That's the ugliest damned dog I've ever seen!".  Then I had to hose out the cage, get it's food and water.  All the time, Bob's standing there holding the pig because, "I better hold the pig honey.  You're not strong enough to hang onto him."  All the time, Bob's laughing his ass off!     I GOT TOTALLY SCREWED!!!!!! 
   There are several stories like this where I was duped by my loving husband.  Maybe next time I'll tell you how I got screwed insulating our house.

Heart Cath Update

The heart cath went well, and they were able to get me squared away without putting stents in my veins.  They tried a new procedure of putting the catheter through my wrist instead of my groin, but that didn't work so I have two wounds to watch.  Seriously folks, this procedure is not bad at all so please don't hesitate to have it done if your doctor wants you to.  It only takes a few minutes, only slightly uncomfortable and can save your life.
   I've had all kinds of medical tests during my life and literally every time I dreaded having something done, I came away afterward saying, "That wasn't bad at all".  Seriously, having Bob dig a splinter out of my foot is worse than a thyroid biopsy.
   So, do what you're told, get all the tests your doctor wants you to get and stay healthy.  You still have LOTS to see and do.

Can't they just run vinegar through your veins??

That was a suggestion at dinner last night by a friend of ours while discussing my upcoming heart cath today.  Why can't they just run vinegar or lime-away or something through the veins to clean them out like I do with my Mr. Coffee?  Ok, we've put it out there so go ahead universe, make it so! 
   Leaving in a few minutes to get the heart cath done and hope they can fix me.  I'll report back with the details.  In the meantime,  take care of yourselves!!

Living in Swiss Cheese

   As promised, here is a picture of my "living room". 

Obviously there is no living taking place in here except maybe for the neighbor's cat, David, who sneaks in through the doggie door at night and sleeps on the couch.  Sure, HE gets to sit on my couch!!
   I'm told the new sink and cooktop is going in this week and two more cabinets will be finished in a few days so I will be able to start moving things out of the living room.  Sofa, here I come!! 
   And on a really cool note, we figured granite on our kitchen island was not going to be an option because of the price.  BUT!!! We saw an article in our little local paper talking about this family owned business (Chippewa Stone in Medina, Ohio - and they are AWESOME!!) that sells granite and loves helping people achieve their decorating and remodeling goals.  So, we decided to go check em out and these folks couldn't have been nicer.  We walked in and my first words were, "Hi, we would like granite for our kitchen, but we're poor."  And instead of them tossing us out on our ears, they took us through their warehouse and we looked at probably 200 huge pieces of granite. 
   When I reiterated that money was a big issue, she helped us find a remnant piece that is a perfect match for what we want.  So on a whim, I asked her to price it for us, not holding my breath since all the other places quoted between $1400.00 and $1800.00 which is NOT in our budget range.  Well, it ended up being less than half of what we expected.  And, they would even install it! Not even sex has ever excited me this much!!  (Ok, that's an over-statement)
  

Boob pancakes day!!

So, as a continuation of my last post on the merits of staying in touch with your health, today is that wonderful day we (older) women look forward to each year.  You know, the one where you voluntarily walk into a room that emits radiation and passively stand there while some woman (with a sadistic look in her eye and an evil grin) sweetly tells you to bare it all and walk up and lay your boob on a cold plate.  She then applies pressure to a footplate, (still grinning) and lowers another cold plate on top of your boob and begins to, for lack of a better term, smoosh your breast until it resembles a pancake.  At the same time, Cruella tells you to "stand a little sideways, put your arm up here, bend back a little and don't move".  Uh huh. 
   She then leaves the room so you are the only one who gets to reap the benefits of radiation exposure and leaves you standing there while you hear the machine you are hopelessly pinned to humming happily along.  If you are the least bit claustrophobic like me, trust me, this experience is delightful.
And the best part is, you get to do it on the other side too!!  Woo-hoo!! 
   Ok, I'm just funnin with ya.  Seriously, while only slightly uncomfortable, it takes less than 5 minutes and it's the absolute best way (along with feeling yourself up) to protect yourself against breast cancer.  So DON'T PUT IT OFF!!  Make the damned appointment, get it done and take care of yourself!! 
 

I have nitro glycerin and know how to use it!!

   I'm carrying nitro glycerin tablets in my purse now.  Evidently, my family history and lifestyle has finally caught up with me and now I have a heart blockage.  It started several months ago when I realized I was putting off taking a shower in our new shower (remember, we're remodeling) because just wiping it down afterward was wearing me out and making me short of breath.  (Good thing we have a bathtub too!!)  Also noticed other minor activities like pulling weeds or carrying a bag out to the trash just about did me in. 
   Finally ended up going to the doc who of course ordered a stress test which I proceeded to flunk with my usual flare.  I was bragging when I made it through the whole 6 minutes like they wanted and got the heart rate up to 160 like they wanted and then scared the hell out of them when the heart rate and blood pressure wouldn't come back down.....for a very long time.   
   So now I have nitro in my purse (just in case) and I'm going to a cardiologist this week and I"m told a heart cath is in my near future.  I actually had one of those about 4 years ago (my first clue that I wasn't paying attention) so I know the test is not bad.  I'm just hoping they can fix whatever's wrong while they're in there lookin around so I don't have to have something more involved.
   The worst part of all this is feeling fragile and breakable.  I'm used to just plowing through problems and this one just doesn't work that way.  So consider this a piece of advice from This Ole Broad; If you don't feel right, there's a reason for it and you need to go get it fixed before it's beyond fixing.  Ignoring the problem is the WORST thing you can do.  I'll report back later.  Have a fabulous week!!   

"I'm living in swiss cheese with a door"....

So, about 15 years ago, Bob and I started talking about remodeling our house.  It's a 60 year-old farm house that is probably the worst floor-plan ever designed.  No, scratch that.  It IS the worst floor-plan ever designed.  I'm not exaggerating.  I don't even have a front door.  (Pause to let that fact sink in)  I have a door off the screened-in side porch that goes directly into the kitchen.  THAT's my front door. 
   The kitchen is a room with no wall space.  One wall has the stairs to the upstairs; one wall has a big opening into the livingroom; one wall has a door to the basement; and one wall had a tiny (and our only) bathroom.  By tiny, I mean 3x5.  (Pause again so you can get a mental picture)  This is what we had been living with for years. 
   We talked and talked about how to change this place into a liveable environment and Bob is a handy man extraordinaire, so much so that our friends say there should be a reality show called, "You're not Bob" because if he was on survivor, he'd have solar heat and running water in the first 24 hours.  People would get voted off because, well, "You're not Bob".
   But then he got the big C.  Yep, Non-hodgkins Lymphoma.  (That ongoing ordeal, I'll save for other posts)  For now, suffice to say this nasty cancer has been coming back about every two years, each time requiring another 6 month long round of treatment and laying my hubby flat for several months.
   So here we are, 15 years and 9 rounds of chemotherapy later and my energizer bunny is still going.  Albeit slower and not quite as strong, but still going.  Thank goodness.  But naturally, this stalled the remodeling job....Big Time! 
   The other roadblock was and still is money.  Once we decided what needed to be done, it occurred to us that we couldn't afford it.  At least  not all at once.  So I got the brilliant idea (yes, I'm being facetious) to do it as time and health allowed.  A little at a time.  "Piece-meal it." I said.  How bad could that be?  In hindsight, hahahahahahahahahahaha.
   So the project began two years ago and to date, the only place I have to sit down (literally) is my side of the bed or in the bathtub.  I watch TV in bed, I eat my meals in bed, I read my mail in bed, and now that the weather is changing toward winter, I won't even have my patio as an escape.  What was only supposed to be a minor re-do of the kitchen has exploded into a re-do of the entire house.  Granted, the entire house is basically only 4 rooms on the first floor but when all four rooms are non-functional, it's beyond description.   In order to make the kitchen bigger, we had to remove the bathroom.  In order to create a new bathroom, we had to remove a walk-in closet and move a wall which made the bedroom smaller which meant we had to get rid of our king-sized bed.  In order to work on the kitchen, everything in the kitchen had to be moved into the living room.  I will post some pictures soon.  You have to see it to believe it.  Whenever one of us trips over a tool or stubs their toe on a pile of wood, we repeat our mantra.....IT'S GONNA BE GREAT!
   I'm being told the project will be done by Christmas, but I'm not holding my breath.  I'm barely holding on to my sanity!